Hey Ishida!
by gagazgurlie
Summary: Ichigo Kurosaki never goes for men. So it must be some Quincy mind trick that has him squirming in his seat. Songfic set to Hey Brittany  by forever the sickest kids.English is not my first language, and it was supposed to say lunch not luck! YAOI!
1. Confusion, discomfort, and strawberries

Title: Hey Ishida!

Warnings: Yaoi, smut, violence, swearing, alchohol unbeta'ed

Pairings: IchiIshi, hints of Ichihime, rukihime, Byaren, Ishinemu,Uluqorriahime, renishi (Damn, does Ishida get around!)

Summary: Ichigo Kurosaki never goes for men. So it must be some Quincy Technique that has him squirming in his seat. Songfic set to " Hey Brittany" by forever the sickest kids.

Disclaimer: I do not have as much money as Tite Kubo or Forever the Sickest Kids. They make their money off of Bleach and Hey Brittany. since I did not make money off of these things, I am neither Tite Kubo nor Forever the Sickest kids, Thus I do not own Bleach or Hey Brittany.

"_Hey Ishida!_

_Why are you messing with me?"_

Ichigo Kurosaki does not go for men. "So why," he thought, as Ishida bent over to retrieve a dropped piece of chalk for the third time this problem," am I suffering through This? he wondered, mentally gesturing towards the uncomfortable bulge in his pants. Ishida coughed deliberately, and continued explaining his math problem. For the first time in years, Ichigo payed full attention. "It has to be some stupid, forbidden Quincy technique!" he reasoned. "No wonder the Shinigami wiped them out. This is pure torture! " The bell reverberated throughout the building, signaling the beginning of lunch, and some release for the poor strawberry. As he bolted for the bathroom before anyone, especially the bespectacled boy, could notice his "problem" one single thought ran on loop throughout his mind." Stupid Quincy. Stupid, sexy Quincy."

"Is your girl in your mind?"

"ngh….ISHIDA!"

After emerging from the bathroom with a flushed face and freshly scrubbed hands, Ichigo Kurosaki attempted to inconspicuously join his four namaka for luck. They all had their occasional odd disappearances, so they ignored his lateness with ease.

"Kurosaki-kun!" Squeaked the busty girl seated between Rukia and Chad.

Orihime was damn gorgeous , but also somewhat naive. not to mention, she already had a boyfriend, some emo ex-espada name Ulquiorra Schiffer."What do you think would go better with red bean paste, Ice Cream or pickled mackerel?"

She also had the most bizarre taste in food, and an addiction to red bean paste."Definitely the mackerel!" cut in Rukia. Chad nodded in silent agreement. Ishida, however, stared off into the distance, a smile on his lips, and flushed cheeks only perceptible to someone who studied him as closely as the Shinigami did. only one thing could get the proud Quincy to look like that; his girlfriend, Nemu. When the smaller boy sighed, Ichigo knew this to be true. Ishida was dreaming about his girlfriend, who was currently in Soul Society drowning in paperwork, trying to get adjusted to being the new captain of the 12th division. Upon seeing how gorgeous his raven-haired friend looked, Ichigo decided that, for his own purposes, he was the one making Ishida look like that. Convincing himself that the Quincy was dreaming of him, Ichigo settled into his own daydreams, all of them fettering the white-clad archer seated across from him.

"Kurosaki-kun? Kurosaki-kun? Are you alright? You're just staring at Ishida-kun with a really weird look on your face. Kurosaki-kun, wake up!" Rukia sighed, looking over at her distressed friend, and leaned over, reeling her fist back to punch the substitute Shinigami in the face.

" Is your girl in the car?

Or our you alone?"

Sitting in his families clinic, a bandage keeping's nose in its proper alignment,( for such a small girl, Rukia sure could punch!) Ichigo Kurosaki realized he needed to talk to the Quincy archer, no matter how awkward it would be. He could already hear the conversation playing out in his head.

"Hey, Ishida, have you been, ya know, trying out any um, new techniques lately?"

"They should not have affected…" Ichigo could imagine the awkward tension build as the realization hit the Proud boy.

"Kurosaki! You're a fag, and a pervert!" Ichigo could practically see the look of disgust on the white-clad boy's face as he reached for his bow, fully prepared to shoot the Shinigami full of holes. He would have to be careful not to offend his prideful friend, and approach the subject with delicacy. Ichigo had never been very good with delicacy.

Making sure his father was occupied (Isshin had an unpleasant habit of eavesdropping, and this was one conversation Ichigo definitely did not want being "overheard") He dialed the archer's cell number."Please don't let him ask how I got his number, Please don't let him ask how I got his number, Please don't let him ask how I got his number…" On the fourth ring, Ishida picked up. He appeared to be in the car. The radio was playing, and there was the fuzzy sound of indistinguishable voices in the background. "Hello?"Ishida's voice rang out clearly through the cheap speakers of the Kurosaki Clinic telephone, that slight twinge of "I'm better than you" clearly audible, though sounding slightly drunk. Ishida rarely drank. Ichigo planned to use this for his benefit. The Quincy would most definitely be honest with him now! "It's Ichigo. i know that this is probably a bad time , but…" Ichigo was cut off by the Quincy's voice, still razor sharp through the alcohol." Damn right it is, Kurosaki!" Ishida never swore. he was either really drunk, or something important must have been happening. However, Ichigo was to desperate to care." I really have to ask you something…." Hearing the background voice again, Ichigo could not restrain his curiosity."Is Nemu with you?" He received a response in the form of a snappy, irate "NO." knowing that the voice was not an illusion, Ichigo tried again. "Are you alone?" Sounding more irritated than ever, Ishida replied. "NO." Suddenly, his voice lowered an octave."Now if you will excuse me, Kurosaki, you're cockblocking me." Ichigo, up until that moment, had never understood the appeal of "talking dirty". but, upon hearing his best friend, the tight-assed, purdish gentleman utter such a vulgar, lowbrow, and utterly sexual word, Ichigo felt himself flushing to the same shade of red as his namesake fruit. Imagining Ishida's lips parting, tongue brushing seductively against his upper teeth on the "B" Ichigo felt his blood rush to somewhere else. Ishida pressed the end button, ceasing their conversation with the cold, mechanical beep. However, before that harsh goodbye could reach the substitute shinigami, he finally got a clear reception of the background voice. It was an aggressive voice, tinged a faint hint of grit. It was the voice of the vice captain of the sixth division, Abari Renji.

Author's notes: This is my first fanfiction, and english is my fourth language, so please let me know how I did. I am in the USA on a foreign exchange program, and one of my friends introduced this site to me. please give me sow constructive criticism on my first fanfiction, It is about my OTP. My friend showed me that acronym, it's so convenient, tell me if I am misusing it. Reviews are love!


	2. hollows, ribs, and getting in the mood

Warning: smut, language, RATED M FOR A REASON!

"_So why does everything I say just make you upset_

_I'm not here to bring you down, but to lift you up lift you up!"_

The morning was pleasant, blue and breezy, without a cloud in the sky. The confrontation taking place in the Karakura High School courtyard below, however, was not.

"Ishida, I know."

The smaller boy whipped around, not looking his orange-haired companion in the eye.

"Know what?" he snapped, despite being obviously flustered.

"I know about you and Renji."

The Quincy's eyes widened.

"If there's anything I can do to help…"

Ichigo was cut off by a knee to the groin, an act only acceptable to perform on your friend when you have just been caught cheating on your girlfriend with another man. Ichigo fell to the ground, clutching his throbbing crotch.

"I was just…. Trying to help!" he gasped, as the raven-haired boy strode away.

Letting his hand drop to the ground, Ichigo Kurosaki watched his friend walk away, hips swinging with annoyance. "_Well, at least now he can't call me a fag."_ He thought, just as his hollow alert badge beeped loud enough for the outraged boy to hear. He spun on his heel, walking back towards the scene of the uncomfortable confrontation, where Ichigo was trying to stand up and remove his soul from his body, while still cupping his tender groin.

"Fine!" he snapped, offering his hand to the agonized ginger shinigami.

"But, after the hollows have been exterminated, you and I are going to need to have a little chat."

"_So yeah yeah yeah!" _

It may sound absurd, but to Ichigo Kurosaki, there was nothing more relaxing than hollow extermination duty. His muscles strained, sweat flew, and hollows roared as his blade effortlessly cleaved through them. But this time, there was something preventing him from entering the zone. It came in the form of a speedy white blur firing arrows into the hollowified masses with deadly precision. Every time a talon or fang got just a little bit too close to the aforementioned white blur, Ichigo would flinch, feeling his muscles tense up as they subconsciously prepared him to throw himself in front of any fatal blow, despite knowing that, should he succeed in serving as a meat shield, Ishida would be deeply offended. He was not Yumichika, who would respect his beloved's will and watch him die rather than offend Ikkaku. He would protect him, and screw Quincy pride!

Nonetheless, he could no help gasping when he saw hollow draw blood, a clean thin line of red set in stark contrast to the Quincy's white uniform and porcelain skin. He was so distracted that he didn't even notice his own opponent's slashing uppercut until it connected with his ribs. He immediately fell backwards, ribcage shattered, blood gushing from the jagged gashes left by hollow claws. As the beast reared back, ready to deliver the final blow, it was struck between the eyes by a flying blade; Seele Schneider! The last thing that Ichigo saw was Ishida running towards him, firing barrage after barrage of arrows. As the whole world faded to black, the panic-stricken white-clad archer was the last thing to go. With his white, tunic-like outfit and glowing bow, he almost resembled an angel of destruction, raining down tranquil justice on those he deemed unworthy. Though now, with sweat and grime and possibly tears running down his face, he looked anything but tranquil. He had the same look of fear and vulnerability and utter emptiness in his eyes that he must have had all of those years ago, witnessing his master's last stand. As his vision went completely dark, and he began to sink into oblivion, Ichigo, though it could have just been his blood-depraved brain sending him false signals, could have sworn he heard the bespectacled boy yell "ICHIGO!" as his last threads of consciousness abandoned him.

"_Go ahead and lower it down."_

"This is your first time with a guy, isn't it?"

Despite the amazingly rare( though screwing Ishida senseless might be an experience that more people than Ichigo would like to think about had enjoyed) predicament he was in, Ichigo could not help but scowl up at the archer poised elegantly over his huge, throbbing cock,

"Now, what the hell would give you that idea?" exclaimed the flustered shinigami, practically choking on the lie as it passed his kiss-swollen lips.

Ishida, per usual, was back instantly with a snappy retort, albeit in a far more breathy voice than usual.

"Because no guy who's ever done this before's dick goes bankai the second I let him stick his tongue in my mouth."

The ginger barely had time to think before blurting out his reply.

"Well, maybe you're just too damn sexy to resist!"

Ishida looked down tiredly, but not even the moon's otherworldly half-light could hide the fluorescent blush gracing his pale, sweat soaked cheeks.

"Flattery is not what you into this situation, so stop being cheesy before my boner dies of humiliation."

Normally, Ichigo (tried to) never let the Quincy have the last word, but the blood that usually flowed through his head was too busy flowing south to his flushed prick.

" Fine. You caught me!" he surrendered, hoping that soon he would be dominating the slight boy. Satisfied that he had won, Ishida's eyelids lowered into a set of bedroom eyes sexier than the ones on any calendar girl, the cerulean orbs glinting like diamonds under thick, dark eyelashes. His tongue flicked out, slowly trailing saliva over bruised lips.

"Well than, let's make sure that this is quite the… memorable experience." Ishida purred like a satisfied cat that had just eaten the family canary. The smirk playing over his swollen, mottled red lips was also unnervingly cat-like. With sleek, lithe movements, he carefully positioned his entrance over Ichigo's throbbing cock.

As he slowly gyrated his hips, taking him in centimeter by centimeter, Ichigo came to his senses upon seeing teeth gritted in pain.

"Lubricant… we need lube."

Unclenching his teeth, Ishida managed to gasp out

"No! It's always better when it hurts!" in a raspy voice so unlike the confident purr of a few minutes ago, yet just as seductive.

"_A masochist, eh?"_ He was learning more about the mysterious archer by the day. However, any further contemplations were cut short the instant he felt the impossibly warm heat that was Ishida begin to envelope him. The slow, torturous pace, however, was too much for Ichigo. With vicious speed, he sat up, grabbed the Quincy by the hips hard enough to bruise, and buried himself to the hilt inside the other boy's vise-tight passage as the as the pale boy threw his head back, crying out in pain, yet at the same time relishing in the burning, tearing sensation currently ripping through his intestines until it was wiped out by a wave of pleasure when his prostate was nudged.

"ngh… Kurosaki!" he groaned, a trail of spit connecting his lips.

" hah…hah.. Call me Ichigo…please." Gasped Ichigo, barely able to form words through his heavy breathing.

"mph…ichigo… Ichigo…ICHIGO!" moaned Ishida, letting his partner's name escape his lips every time his prostate was hit, his voice rising in an orgasmic crescendo. Pulling himself back for one last thrust, Ichigo slammed himself deeply into Ishida, letting his voice out has he came the hardest he had ever come in his life.

"Aah…Ishida…URYU!" he gruffly yelled, his eyes snapping open to see himself in a strange apartment. Looking over, he saw a panting, but fully clothed Uryu Ishida standing hunched over in the doorway. He looked as though he had just been jolted out of bed in a raw panic, and, man did he look pissed! Raising his head to meet Ichigo's eyes, Ichigo could see the sleepless hours he had been through in the circles under his eyes.

"What the hell do you want, Kurosaki?"

Author's notes: thank you, reviewers! I love all of you! Aren't you glad I wrote a smut scene? And thanks to fanningfireflies, my first friend on ! And yes, the clean cut, prudish guys are always the masochists, I know from experience! I'll update as soon as I can. Love you too, pattyhatesgiraffes (your name is Carl? I thought you were a girl! Yay! My first yaoi fanboy ibff(internet bff) I am so happy. You seemed like a girl, though. I have heard of those G.i.r.l. s, but never thought I'd meet one. This site is so awesome.) this fic is dedicated to my fellow Ishida fan, the aforementioned fanningfireflies. Review me some more!


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